What is this "agency X" thing all about?

Obviously, something is going on. Rumors have reached our offices of clandestine meetings, groups of renegade executives, student intern unrest, dogs brought into offices and all sorts of unexplained and sinister goings on.

Faced with these events, I feel I must make some statement about what we know and what we don’t. But let me first say that I will do so only under strict federal guidelines and procedures. That is to say, only some of this will be the truth.

AgencyX is indeed real. And yes, it does represent a movement toward some sort of unified effort to dramatically change the status quo. It’s been created and nurtured by key individuals who had been competitors but who have come to realize the immense power they can wield if they join together.

Some of these individuals can be likened to “sleeper” agents. They have not seen nor communicated with each other for twenty or even thirty years! During that time, they have recruited others into their philosophies and organizations. And now they have re-connected and drawn up their insidious plans.

Why now? Good question. It could’ve been some sort of innocuous signal such as the rise of the Milwaukee Brewers. But their record of late tends to lessen that possibility. It could be the cicadas. Then again, what’s with all those flavored vodkas? Something out there – something so obvious yet so subtle – has triggered these Agency X agents to
come together.

We can only watch and wait.

And keep the champagne on ice.